Monday, January 2, 2017

Out with 2016 and in with 2017

2016 was a real piece of crap.

I was diagnosed with epilepsy and have had a battery of tests relating to it.  The most recent was a sleep study done under the watchful eye of a dude who told me, while hooking me up to a million wires, that he had a sexual harassment claim against him in the 80's.  Awesome.  Are we freaking kidding?!

I had a hysterectomy due to a long list of nasty things my uterus did for me.  I got two wonderful kids out of her and a whole lotta headache.  So now that our family is complete, I bid farewell to that organ for good.  It was a much easier recovery than I expected.  She had a hard time in there due to all the scar tissue from my 2 c-sections and my gallbladder surgery.  Maybe even some from IVF.  I don't know how that works.

We remodeled our bathroom, which is a positive for 2016.  It needed to be done and it looks fantastic.  The pain in the ass to get it done would be a negative...although worth it.

No one died.  So there's that.

I got a promotion - so that's a really nice positive.  I took a pay cut and a demotion to join my current company.  It was totally worth it.  I love working there.  I don't think I've dreaded a single day - maybe dreaded things I needed to do, but never dreaded work.  The people I work with are fantastic and a true team in every sense of the word.  I worked hard and learned and asked for what I wanted and eventually it all came together.  I feel like I've earned it and I plan to really own my new position.  It's very exciting.  So yay 2016 in that respect.

As always there are resolutions people start with the new year.  B and I have been very lazy in 2016 and gained a decent amount of weight.  So we joined a gym and are committed to going regularly.  I'm going to TRY to get up very, very early to go in the morning before everyone else wakes up.  I'm a morning person, but 5am is going to be tough.  We'll see how it goes.  B is going after work each day.  We're also adjusting our diet.  Not fully starving ourselves, but eating less carbs and more veggies.  Less sauces and more spices.  We'll allow ourselves cheat days/meals, but try to mostly eat grilled/lean meat and more veggies and fruit.

Fingers crossed.  2017 will be interested.  New president (I didn't vote for him) and 363 days ahead of us that could lead to anything.  I'm going to remain optimistic and do my best to show my kids that optimism is hope and hope gives us the energy we need to make change or get through tough times.

We've got this.  :)

Thursday, August 25, 2016

Jesus Christ Superstar

I was reading a post on Facebook from a very dear friend this morning.  I found that it frustrated me.  I wasn’t going to comment on it though because while I’m entitled to my opinion, so is she and her feelings are just as important as mine. :)  Plus she posted it on her own FB timeline, not mine.

But what it said was “Either there’s a God or there is not. Why would you chance it and live a hopeless life without Him? You have nothing to lose and everything, everything, everything to gain.”

Simple enough right?  Not something odd to see on Facebook, especially given that I’m in the Bible Belt.  But what bothered me about it is the impossibleness of not believing.  That it is something illogical and that it’s insane not to believe.  

As someone who grew up in Bible-beating headquarters of Kentucky, I’ve always been a hard sell.  I have TONS of friends who are faithful and believe strongly, which I admire.  Heck, wouldn’t it be much easier to believe surrounded by everyone who does?  Sure it would.

I don’t.  I never have.  Well, I take that back.  I walked to the little church up the street from our house, alone, to attend Sunday school.  I remember vividly the message that day.  It was the story of Paul surviving a snake bite.  I listened thoughtfully and hoped I’d get something from it.  I was, afterall, only 10 and hoping with everything that I could believe so I’d fit in.  Well, I didn’t.  I listened and I heard an insane story of a man who was bitten by a poisonous snake and lived to tell about it because of his faith in Jesus Christ.

Come on, kids.  How am I the only one who thinks that’s insane?  He either lived to tell about it because there wasn’t enough venom to kill him or it’s a load of crap.  What drove me crazy later on in life is that I’d hear things like “It’s not meant to be literal.”  Well, then why in the world do Christians pick and choose which stories will be interpreted literally and some figuratively?  It really hurts the credibility of the “message”.

Also, there are many people who, like my aunt, have been thrown a real shit deal in this life.  Why in the hell she’d want to spend eternity with the dude who purposefully threw her that hand is beyond me.  In a physically abusive relationship protecting two very young kids.  Had to escape it for her sake and theirs.  Fell in love with a wonderful man who adopted her two kids.  Several years later, she loses both boys in a fiery, horrific automobile accident just before Christmas.  Several years after that her husband’s very successful business burns to the ground.  Several years after that she develops ovarian cancer.  Dear husband is killed in a motorcycle accident.  A year later the cancer returns.

So tell me - why in the hell would she want spend eternity with THAT guy?  

What people need to realize is that if YOU can’t believe someone wouldn’t believe in your beliefs are the same feelings someone who is atheist feels about you.  Why on earth can’t you see it’s not real?  Think about it.  

Tuesday, August 16, 2016

Toothless Fairy

Last night I forgot to be the tooth fairy.  The 8 year old lost his tooth that had a cap on it was silver.  My kids have terrible teeth, did I mention that?  Seriously...they would get cavities from water.  It’s nutty.  Anyway, he lost this capped tooth and these jackhole kids at school told him “You won’t get anything for it because it’s silver!”  Seriously.  What dicks.

So I forgot to tooth fairy it up last night.  So he literally got nothing for his tooth.  Those jerks were right.  And it was too late for me to sneak in and do the switcheroo.

So what was a mama to do?  First, I wasn’t about to let those little bastards make him feel bad...not if I could help it.  So I went downstairs before everyone else and wrote a note (with my left hand) from the Tooth Fairy herself stating that she hadn’t forgotten...that she was just afraid our security camera would see her.  So she left it in the garage instead to avoid being seen.  Genius right?  Seriously...I should get a damn major award for my super sleuthiness.  

According to Daddio, he bought it.  He hasn't mentioned it to me yet.  But he'll live to believe another day.  Santa better get his game face on...shit is getting real in our house.

Monday, August 15, 2016

Making friends is hard to do.

I was listening to a podcast the other day that one dear friend and someone I don’t know have started.  It’s mom-focused and not just from a parenting standpoint, but just living a Mom life.  The focus of the particular podcast I was listening to was friendship.  How you let it go in later years, how it gets harder to maintain through various “seasons” of life, and how it’s hard to make friends as you get older.  

The two ladies on the podcast were both stay-at-home Mom’s.  I’m not interested in getting into a debate about who has it harder, which seems to be common these days.  Let’s clear that up right now, as a matter of fact - being a Mom is freaking hard no matter when, how and where you do it.  The end.

Moving on...when discussing how one lady had a hard time making friends as a stay-at-home Mom, she mentioned how because she’s not around other adults that it’s harder to make friends.  I can totally see that.  It’s interesting how differently someone who works outside the home sees that.  I have a very hard time making friends because I don’t stay at home.  I don’t get to volunteer at the school.  I don’t get to schedule playdates during the day.  My kids get me from 6p-8p each night. (Mine go to bed early)  My husband gets me from 8p-10p on a good day.  There is basically no time in there for anyone or anything else.  I certainly take time for myself sometimes and so does the hubby.  But it’s not common. 

I know, we should “make” time for other things and for ourselves more often.  But if I make time for myself, I’m going to spend it doing something I want to do...not force myself into the awkward “make friends” mode.  Does that make sense?  As someone who isn’t terribly extroverted, it’s hard to put myself out there like that.  I’ve made friends through neighbors and such and they’re wonderful, wonderful people...but they’re mostly in the same boat.  So they’re very easily able to go out for a “Girl’s Night” during the week or feel guilt-free to do something during the precious awake time they have with their kids...because it’s essentially not as precious (no offense) because they have more of it than I do.

Monday, February 15, 2016

"I love this diet!" said no one ever.

Well, my BMI is 30, which is borderline super bad.  It was already bad, but it's creeping into "Whoa Nellie!" territory.  I work in HR, specifically working with our wellness it seems fraudulent for a fatty to be encouraging others.  I know, I know...I'm not "fat"...whatever.  Yes I am.  I'm just very, very fortunate to be 6 foot tall and built like my Dad.

So our company was offered some trials of this new diet option that our 3rd party wellness company uses.  Guess who volunteered to try it out?!  :)  So I started today.  No, it hasn't even been an entire 24 hours on said diet.  The first 3 days are protein ONLY days.  So for 3 days I get to eat only protein, which doesn't sound awful, but it kind of is.  I can't have any veggies or fruits or sauces.  Ugh.  It's killing me.

I'll make it but, I don't enjoy it for sure.  7am-one egg, 9am-2 oz. cheese, 11am-8oz almond milk, 1pm-2.5 oz. tuna, 3pm-protein bar, 5pm-deli turkey, 7pm-fish, 9pm-almond milk...get up tomorrow and start over...and again on Wednesday.  Definitely NOT ideal, but then on Thursday I get to eat "Menu Days", which are normal foods basically.  Healthy ones and very low carb, but normal.

As it stands, I want to eat everything in sight.  I'm not starving.  I'm learning that I eat a lot when I'm not hungry.  I eat just because something sounds good.  I eat when I'm bored.  It's crazy how obvious it is after less than a whole day.  No wonder my midsection is fluffy!

So whether I lose a ton of weight on this diet or not...or whether I stick with it after the 10 weeks...I'm learning a LOT about myself in the process.

Wish me luck!

Saturday, January 23, 2016

Always and forever.

Parenting is hard.  It's hard as hell actually.  Functioning on little sleep, worrying about whether you're screwing them up all the time, is that gummy worm going to cause them cancer?, is that extra 30 minutes on the iPad so you can poop in peace going to turn their brain into mush?, if I can't stand one more minute of touching will they be negatively affected by my shun?


That said, I was raised by two incredible parents.  Mom was around more than Dad.  Mainly because Mom was a teacher/administrator and so we spent more time with her at school and in the car on our 30 minute drive to and from school each day.  I find that I do a lot of the things my Dad did.  I'm very much like him apparently.  I'm like Mom too, but I act like Dad a LOT.  Unfortunately it's the things that I liked least about Dad that I do...getting frustrated easily, rushing them to move faster, getting annoyed at the one million questions.  I hate that I do that.  I get frustrated at myself for doing it, but then I remember that I love my Dad more than anything in the world.  Those little things didn't matter.  So thank God for that.

You know what matters later...and what will be remembered when you're gone?  The fact that he was here.  The fact that he loved me and my brothers and my Mom like there was no one else on the planet.  What matters is that you're always there for your kids.  In my opinion, that's the easiest thing we can do as parents.  The rest of it is HARD...but being there?  That's the easiest part of all.

Let me be clear.  I don't mean with them 24/7...we all need to be ourselves and enjoy time alone or time with our spouse.  Being there for them means them knowing they can call you anytime or tell you anything and you'll still be there.  I couldn't dream of any other way with my boys.

So while we're always going to worry...because if we're being honest - there is PLENTY to worry about.  The last thing you need to worry about with your kids is how they feel about you.  If you're there and welcome them with open arms when they need you...that's what they'll remember and THAT is what's important.

Too bad not all parents do that to for their kids.

Wednesday, December 30, 2015

2016: The Year of Happiness, Damnit.

We've had some tough years recently.  Family members lost, friends moved away, illness running a muck, poor job choices, etc.  But this year, 2016, is going to be a happy one.  Come hell or high water, we're going to find the joy in it.

Step one:  Eliminate toxic people from my life.  Yes, relationships are a two-way street, but ultimately if there is more stress from a relationship than happiness then it's just not worth it.  This article: 7 Signs It's Time to Cut Toxic Family Ties sums it up quite well.  Family is blood and will always be your family, but that doesn't mean you have to associate with them if they don't treat you with respect.  Friendships should be treasured when you find ones that are true friends.  Anytime someone is toxic and you are able to eliminate them from your life, you should.

Step two:  Work on me; mind, body & soul.  To be happy overall one must be happy with themselves.  I need to work on myself.  I need to work on my self-esteem and my ability to see the good in everyone.  To be less judgmental about first-time meetings with people.  I need to quit being fat and lazy.  Easier said than done for SURE.  But as my BMI creeps up and my knees start hurting and I find myself more and more body is clearly telling me it's time to start putting my health first.  There's also this ironic aspect of my job where I am leading our wellness challenges.  It's hard to get people to be active if I'm taking the elevator down one floor.

Step three:  Be present.  In order to recognize the things in my life that make me happy, I need to be more present.  After talking to people all day at work the last thing I want to do when I get home is have a conversation with a 7 year old who takes forever to finish a story.  However, by rushing through those conversations, I'm missing some of the moments that typically make me happiest.  I'm also setting myself up for communication barriers later when I'll REALLY need him to talk to me.  So I need to start shutting the world out from 6-8:30 each day...those precious hours I get with my littlest men.

Step four:  Focus on fun.  It's much easier to be happy when you're having fun.  Can every task be fun?  Hell no...I detest laundry.  But perhaps laundry with a side of "Back That Ass Up" by Juvenile could make things a little more fun...and also factor into step #2.  :)  There is almost always a way to turn a boring, awful task into a more enjoyable one...I need to focus on finding the way to turn it around each time I'm faced with something I don't like doing.

Step five:  Be happy, damnit.  Ultimately happiness is a choice.  I need to choose it.  I need to make the choice to find happiness in everything.  Stepped on a block that was left in the floor?  Be happy my child is alive to put it there.  Made a mistake at work and everyone is pissed off at me?  Be happy I have a job and make few enough mistakes that one won't cost me the job.  Irritated that I can't go buy all the cute clothes I see my friends wearing?  Be happy that I have clothes on my back and the ability to wash them regularly.  There is always happiness to be found if you choose to see it.

So 2016, I'm ready for you.  I don't have any "resolutions" per se, but I would be so happy (see what I did there?) to see the steps above achieved...both for me and my family.  So let's do this!